Sister, grab a seat or a tea and let me spill (I’ll make this as short as possible.) on how I struggled for years concerning insecurities and what changed for me?! I hope you are reading this with an open mind and a willing heart to put in the work it is going to take to become confident.
How it started…...
I’ll like to say my low- self esteem started because I was told first by my family members “you are so skinny” and “you need to eat” those words hurt me so much and made me hide under a shell each time. Friends of the family would come over and give me nicknames that I would awkwardly smile to. I remember living with my childhood friends and telling them I did not like my body. I would eat way more than my body could consume and I would take pills to make me look bigger not because I had a personal goal in mind, but simply due to the tiredness of hearing how I looked from other people’s point of view.
MISTAKE #1 When you see yourself from other people’s point of view you take on their mind and begin to say what they say about you to yourself. So if someone says you are so skinny or so fat you agree with them by looking at yourself in the same manner. This is just like the voice of the enemy when satan whispers lies in your ear such as “you are not smart enough to do that” or “ it will always be this way for you” you agree with him when you start repeating it as we
Things were so bad that by the time I made it to middle school I was wearing oversize clothes to hide my shape so I would not be the center of attention. My teachers would openly during class time make little remarks about me, ask me if something was wrong with me or why don’t I eat? This made me feel defensive and truthfully I was ready to snap back when people came for me. (fact: I was not always saved plus your girl did not grow up from the church so my mouth was spicy like a sailor captain!)
MISTAKE #2 Having no confidence made me defensive and caused me to get out of character. Transparent moment: I would curse people out when they uttered the “skinny girl” jokes at me. Sister, who are you giving power to? Who have the keys to your emotions? Are you getting out of character like I did for people who does not see nor understand that God created you how he designed you to be? I made those mistakes and I want to encourage you to not do the same.
Guys who like me, pretended to like me or were simply jerks at the time would pick on me. At this point, I was questioning God like “Why did you make me so slim knowing people would talk about me?” I did not like my legs, I did not like taking full body pictures, I did not enjoy wearing stuff that showed my arms and I thought “well the cool girls are the ones with a shapely body.” I went so far in my mind to believe maybe if I was having sex I would gain some weight, this was misleading information and not the case for everyone. (please don’t try this if you were thinking of doing it. Save your precious body.)
HUGE MISTAKE #3 Thank God he didn’t let me fall into the lies of the enemy. I didn’t need to do what most of my surroundings were doing at the time to “gain” approval. I want you to also know that the man God has for you will love you if you are a size 2 or a size 12. No man who truly treasure you will say things to purposely bring you down. Also, one of the most silly mistakes you can make is to dim your beauty for the sake of other people. God is not embarrassed by you, he created you in his image and likeness. -----------> read about it (Genesis 1:26)
Concrete confidence arrived when I was in P.E one day and my female coach told me something I would never forget, she said “Nancy, God makes no mistake.” The words sounded like a melody I have never heard before. They were simple words, but a necessary phrase! I began believing those words about myself. I started to read God’s word (I was not saved at the time so I put this into practice over time when I encountered Jesus Christ the son of God through bible study and church) I would look at myself in the mirror and express out loud “you are beautiful” I did this until it became natural for me. See, you have to believe what God says about you or else you won’t believe when others compliment you. Everyone did not pick on me, but the negative comments outweighed the positive ones. I wrote in the beginning that it is going to take some work before you can go from insecurity to confidence, but it is a rewarding work. No, you cannot only pray low self esteem away you must put some actions behind it. Begin to speak well of yourself with the help of the bible (I would recommend a translation you can understand when reading it). Read psalm 139, Genesis 1 the whole chapter, talk to positive individuals you can trust that will lift you up when you are feeling down, write positive notes to yourself and last but not least ask Jesus Christ “help me to see me the way you see me” so he can shift your eyesight.
P. S I now love my body and I appreciate everything about myself. I walk with no shame because I know who I belong to and he is a King so that makes me royalty. I compliment myself before others get the opportunity to compliment me why? Because I vow to never give anyone else that kind of power over me. Take your keys back sister.
Leave me a comment and let me know if this help you. Are you going through this now? Don’t be ashamed. I know this will be behind you soon. Talk to you later.