Back then there was a time when I would blast Taylor Swift’s album around the house with my friends. It was one of our faves. There was a song on the album titled “fifteen.” In the song, Taylor says in one her verses “and when you’re fifteen don’t forget to look before you fall…. Rarely do we look before falling. We fall for advertisement on T.V, we fall for the presentation the store associates gives us when we walk in to make us feel like we need what they are selling. We fall for the deals at our favorite makeup stores, retail, restaurants and black friday deals. The 50% sign makes us feel like we instantly need it, but really we can wait a little longer for it or if we’re honest, it’s not a need. In the same way, we fall for certain guys too girlie. We fall for the way they dress (if you are attracted to a man who dress well) and we fall for their facial features, but we never stop and pause to think about their character.
This guy and I fell into a little “fling.” A fling is what I would describe as something cute, but not really right. We would hang out and go places together, but truth be told in the eyes of the Lord it wasn’t pure. See, something can feel good, but is it good? Someone can make you feel like the butterflies in your stomach are singing notes and keys, but when the music stops was it worth it?
Here are some questions I want you to ask yourself before falling or if you already fell. #1 ask yourself “Self? Does God have you?” this is important to ask because you want to make sure the Lord has you before anyone can or attempt to have you. Giving God all of you is a safe zone. (disclaimer: I am not writing this as someone who looks forward to giving God all of me all the time. This is not always a “hallelujah” moment. There are days when I don’t feel like being vulnerable or talk about things that will open me up.) However, doing this will build your faith in Jesus and your relationship with him. I urge you to see if the Lord has you or if your relationship with him is like the wind it tosses and turn from different directions.
#2, Ask yourself what role will this person play in your life/is playing in your life? Why is this important? Well, anyone that comes in your life has an assignment or motive and it’s up to you to find out what it is. Are you hanging out with a guy to satisfy your emotions? Are you feeding a void? Will this guy help you accomplish spiritual maturity? Is he there for fun when you’re lonely? Are you with him to get over the single life? Did God approve of him? I wish I asked myself some of these questions before getting involved with someone, I would have save myself not only from disappointments, but from heartbreaks. We have to apply wisdom and not simply move on the behalf of what our hearts want because sometimes our heart can deceive us. James 1:5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all liberally and without reproach and it will be given to him. Sis, you must ask, don’t just expect wisdom. It is something you must seek after God for.
#3 Are you at peace? Most times, we ignore the warning signs from the beginning and just assume things will change later on, but if peace is not on the scene then something is wrong. Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. We serve a God of peace so if talking to a young man or being with someone makes you more anxious than at ease then Houston, we have a problem! I share with you in my first blog how I always had a different dude I was talking to, it was really bad. I went on a date with a guy to a nice restaurant and I had no peace about it. He was a well-known guy with flashy stuff that made girls go nuts, but sitting there with him cutting my shrimp and steak, my spirit signaled me that he wasn’t “the one”. He was nice yes, looked nice yes and had the money yes, but he did not have what I prayed for in a man. Only God knows what I truly desire and need. I wish I listened to the peace within because I found out later on with his actions that we were not a match. If this is you, then listen to the voice that is tugging at you. I know we like to hear a loud thunder voice give us instructions, but we need to listen to the soft whisper as well.
#4 Examine yourself and say truthfully, what would your leaders or mentor say? If you are somebody who don’t like people all in your “business” then you run the risk of receiving wise counsel. I am not saying to grab everyone from the block and tell them your business, moreover I am indicating you find a trusted source among your church or family and tell them to get their point of view. Most people do not do this because after hearing instructions you are held responsible. You either take the instructions or you flush it down the toilet. I am bless to have sisters in the Lord/mentor that won’t sugar coat anything with me. She told me the truth even if it meant tears were strolling down my face. One time, I expressed my feelings to her about a particular guy and she gave me some things to think about. She gave me some questions to ask him and what to look out for, was it fun hearing those things? Heck no. It’s never fun hearing someone you’ve already fallen for is not a match-made for you or hearing the words “be careful.” The bible talks about taking heed to counsel and what it can do for you. Proverbs 11:14 Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. Lastly, Proverbs 19:20 Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.
I will be the first to admit, I did not always take true the words I was given. I sometimes sat in the presence of wisdom and turn around and did the same foolishness I was told not to do. I paid for it in the end, I needed to renew my mind a lot. If it was so bad, I fasted. But you sister, you can choose to do this the right way. I am in no way or form saying you won’t make mistake, but if you can prevent making errors by asking yourself these very questions then you won’t need to stay up late night crying to a love song, being mad when you see that guy or walking with regrets. I would love to hear what your personal experiences were and if this blog was helpful to you in any way. Leave me a comment, subscribe to find out when I drop a new post and most importantly stay near Jesus and be encourage.
How many times you heard good news for someone and you were happy for them, but heard this little “what about me?” voice in your head? I know I am not the only one…. I would go home and think to myself “why was I questioning myself in the midst of someone else happiness?” If that’s you then I am going to show you 3 ways you can overcome those thoughts.
3. Practice being genuinely happy for them. Do the opposite of what is tugging in your heart. When someone else is in their winning season know that God is the shifter of all seasons and if you faint not, you will see your appointed season. One thing I’ve done when this feeling creeps up on me is I begin clapping louder to silence the comparison thoughts, I will think on good things like “God remembered Noah so he will remember me.” (Genesis 8:1) I also think about the trials the individual had to go through to get a “winning moment.” sometimes sis, the behind the scenes are not so pretty so to compare or feel envious toward somebody else is ridicule. Everyone has a prepared time. Wait on yours and be of good courage.
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!
Hope this was a blessing to you in some way and I pray the next time someone win you’ll be happy for them and mean it.
To: A rose
From: a rose who use to struggle the same way,
You are very beautiful both inside and out. Yes you are...but now that we have gotten that out of the way it’s important you believe this for yourself. YES. not even I, can make this true for you. You have something that is radiant, empowering, a story that will impact many and have an expected end. (Jeremiah 29:11) tells that Jesus has plans for us and sister those plans are worth looking forward to.
One thing I’ve learned in my 20 + years of living is that those around you, tv shows you watch, people you meet, the schools you go to and the company you keep can make it hard on you to accept your true self. While people (themselves do not have the power to do this) you give them the means to by thinking less of who you are. I praise God for allowing me to endure bullying, endure being talked about, being insecure, broken and feeling really low because then he made his strength known to my weakness. 2 Corinthians 12: 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
You have the biggest battle from walking in total confidence to staying defeated and it’s in one place…your mind. Take out the trash (corrupted mindset) it’s starting to stink and put on a new thought (Philippians 4:8) this mind has an everlasting fragrance. It’s time to start believing you are beautiful, you are pretty, you are loved, you have purpose for your life, you are not an accident, you are a chosen generation for a time as this, you are the one he chose to go through and grow through for his name sake. You can do great things. No, you are not ugly, you are not weird (they simply cannot understand your uniqueness and that’s fine). You are going to have to swallow this pill that not everyone will like you.If that guy didn’t choose you then he wasn’t meant to be yours. Let another girl have him….
Accept those flaws
Accept your weird ways
Accept where you came from don’t let anyone put you down because you don’t look like them
Accept your uniqueness that is a gift from above.
Accept your true identity, God made everyone different…
You have some work to do and the journey to accepting who you really are… who God says you are is not an easy one, but the process will make you so much more beautiful and you’ll learn so much that you’ll become teachable. Just like a rose the process isn’t so great, but in the end it will blossom amazingly.
Be encourage, NF.
I remember thinking I was a officially a woman when I was dancing around my living room and (boop!) my period came. I felt so unusual that day yet a little excited, but overtime I found that having my period from the age 11 years old to now has not been exciting. Sis, I struggled with extreme horrible period pains to the point of not attending school. I would skip school, missed work days, not dress out for P.E when I was in school, I would vomit, lay on the floor and then some. I was in a lot of pain and very dramatic. I did not look forward to those five days that sometimes turned into seven days of menstrual cycle. This happened for years and years....
Is that you right now? Do you experience horrible pain? Do you crawl on the floor too? (is that too extreme?) here's what I found....
Isaiah 53: 5 says " But he was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon him, And by his stripes we are healed.”
The word of God is black and white. However, the issue was applying it. Are you applying it to your situation? When you get a cut the first thing that comes to mind is to find a bandage to cove up the cut, wound or injured part of your body, but if you get a cut and do not use the bandage to cover it up then it is of no good use for you. Yes, the bandage is there to do it's job, but you must actually use it to see results. Really use the word of God and apply it to your challenged areas.
I found that the key to my extreme menstrual cramps was my malnutrition. My mouth was open 24 hours like Walmart and I allow anything in my body. Proverbs 25:28 “ Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” No one is obligated to control your mouth, but you. Your flesh will always tell you “you need this” or “just a little bit” but is it worth it? If it’s harmful for your body or you’ve experience the aftermath of eating certain food or snacks then why continue? (I’m telling you what I know.)
DISCLAIMER: These are the steps that worked for me after doing it numerous times when the pain arrive. The process for you may be a little different , but I also did some personal researching to find what works for my menstrual situation and I will encourage you to do the same. If your pain is unbearable, becomes problematic or stays longer than intended time then you may need to see doctor for further instructions. I hope you were encourage to identify what goes in your body and begin take better care of yourself and your soul.
Thank you for reading. Share this with a friend, subscribe to my mailing list, leave me a comment and as always be encourage,
First thing first, let me introduce you to some facts about me. I was not always saved, I was not always a good girl and I was not always single. My last boyfriend was in high school my tenth grade year and it was not a relationship I ended on my own will. I had a guy that every girl wanted so when the Lord told me to break up with him I was not happy (even though I knew he was not a good match for me.) But before I spill on my current status, I'll explain how I got here (completely single for almost 10 years now)
I had my first little petty boyfriend in elementary (Benjamin Franklin) and from there it went on like a roller coaster. I became extremely desperate for attention and thirsty for hook ups. I was the girl on Myspace and Facebook who was sending little pokes and subliminal messages to guys, I would stir up conversations with them hoping it would go somewhere. The party line around midnight became a "fling" for me. I would get on the party line and talk to men for hours knowing I did not want anything serious with them. My ideal guys were ones with hood-street demeanor who wore Timberland's and was really attractive. I did not like christian men (In my opinion they were corny.) I was not used to guys being really nice to me or treating me like a lady hence why I dated randoms who demonstrated no love towards your girl.
I would love to tell you when I got saved and became a new born Christian that those thirsty urges went away, but it didn't. I was a lost girl searching for a whole man (when Jesus Christ was available to me). It seemed like everything I wanted in a man they couldn't give it to me. Sister, even afterwards, I was still broken (but I wasn't alone.) I was still emotionally involved with a lot of the guys from my past. It's only by the grace of God I am still pure because the Lord knows I am no angel and I've done some nasty things outside of not having sex. I allowed guys to touch me in places only future husband is suppose to touch me and I've sent images to guys in sexy outfits because I figured "I needed to keep them on me." *Sister NEVER send guys images of you, your body isn't for entertainment. *
My belief that the Lord wanted to heal me completely and make me whole came when my former bible study Pastor Bob expressed to me one night about an ex-boyfriend of mine ( I don't remember telling my Pastor I was seeing someone btw). He said these exact words I would never forget " that boy that you are with is going to bring fire in your life." Sis, I was afraid, but apparently not that afraid because we didn't break up on my account, he had to break up with me. I was too stubborn to let him go even though I knew the Lord wanted me and him to call it quits. I had the guy every girl wanted at that time, but we ended it. When the Lord tells you to do something it won't feel good at the moment, it won't make much sense at all, but he is protecting you from headaches, being cheated on, mistreated and etc, but we play catch up in the future after we are obedient to his instructions. A deep healing was necessary for me and so the Lord caused me to be hidden (meaning no one was checking for me or nothing worked no matter what) I was alone and this time I was really alone. No emotional foolishness just me and God. Was it tempting to get out of the surgery room and get me a man? YES! I had some crushes along the way, but we never made it far, God always warned me or cause it to be disturbed. Now I am going on nearly 9 years single. No boyfriend, no sex, no cuddle buddies or side pieces just me and Jesus. Does it get boring? yes it does, I was so used to my phone blowing up and getting attention that when it stopped it felt strange. However, I've learned a TON that changed my life. The way I see men are different my taste in men changed, I don't desire a guy that connects to my past pain (those cute rude demeanor guys were my fuel for insecurities.) I actually will be marrying a christian man in the future who will actually become my first Godly man (when God sends him my way.) I carry myself with confidence, awareness and respect because I know who I am and who I belong to. ( Proverbs 31: 15 She is more precious than rubies nothing you desire can compare with her.)
Nothing can compare to you and you need to know that. Those guys were doing what they knew to do. It was not their job to love me, but it was my job to love myself and I was only capable of loving a broken vessel once I encountered the love of Jesus Christ.
I hope you were encouraged. Share with a friend, leave me a comment, but more importantly be transformed,